“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” ― C. JoyBell C.
There is so much that I want to share here, but nobody likes long posts anymore, so I thought I would start a series of short posts…and describe to those of you that are interested a story of transformation and what it looks like from the inside out.
It’s a long story…but I think a really good one!
My story of awakening to who I am began about 30 years ago. For me, it was an opening of sorts, a seeing around the edges of the reality that we have all pretty much agreed to participate in, but I saw something else operating that puzzled me.
I had no framework to put my experiences in when I first became aware of life bringing me what I needed, without much effort, or any really, on my part.
When I was around 21, I was watching an Oprah show about the men in Alaska, and what life was like for women that chose to live there.
I wanted to go and see it for myself…but how?
I had no money, no formal education and I had never been further west than Oklahoma.
How would I get there? What would I do when I got there? How would I take care of myself?
I had no answers. I had no pathway…I just juiced my desire with lots of emotional energy and let it go.
About two weeks later, I was at the mall and ran into a good friend from High School. She asked me to eat lunch with her, and I responded with an enthusiastic yes.
As we were eating, a guy walks by and recognizes my friend, and she asks him to join us. He does…and my life changed in an instant.
I noticed he had a carabiner hanging from his belt loop. It’s a little tool that rock climbers use, and as I had been rappelling with my step-brother at the time, I asked him if he was a climber too.
He said no, he didn’t use if for rock climbing, he used it to strap into a sling when he was working as a deckhand on a small ship in Alaska for putting bow plates on when the ship experienced rough weather.
My heart stopped…he worked on a small ship in Alaska? An opportunity!
I quizzed him further about how one gets a job on a small ship like the one he worked on, and he wrote down the name of a woman to contact in Seattle, and so I did.
A few months later, I was working on a ship in Alaska. I was making good money, I loved the ocean and the people that I worked with, and I saw all of Southeast Alaska over a period of two years.
During that magical time in my life, I responded to opportunities that life brought to me and used that as my navigation system. It was an effortless and zen way of living that stayed with me…but when I came back to Arkansas after that two years, my magical way of living came to an abrupt halt.
I went against my mechanics…and I paid a big price for that…
I succumbed to the conditioned idea that in order to make something of myself, I needed to push for what I wanted, instead of wait and let life bring me opportunities and feel whether or not they were the ‘right’ opportunities for me over time.
My life took a turn for the worst…and I made a series of mistakes that took years to overcome.
In my next post, I will discuss what those mistakes were, what I mean about ‘my mechanics’ and how my life experiences served to teach me how to live as myself.
It took about 30 years for my ‘AHA!’ moment…and I want to give you some of my backstory so you can see the progression and what led me to where I am now.