Sorry, Not Sorry

Sorry, Not Sorry

(I Ching, Abundance 55)

I was in the co-op yesterday getting some bulk items, and there was a young mother at the herb station talking to her small child. I overheard her say, “You don’t have to say you are sorry for that, that isn’t the right way to use that phrase.”

I was struck with the present moment awareness and connection that this young woman had with her daughter.

A couple of years ago, I was in the library studying my Human Design information when I heard a woman sneeze a few times while she was working in the coffee shop portion of the library.

Every time she sneezed, she would say, “I’m sorry.”.

I felt my body tense up and I became angry.

Why was she apologizing for her sneezing? It’s a bodily function that is uncontrollable. It’s called being human.

I’m sorry?

No…as women, we do not need to be sorry for breathing, sneezing and generally taking our rightful place here on earth.

After I left the library that day, I went to the grocery to grab some things for the weekend.

I was in the liquor section of the store, staring at the big selection of beer trying to figure out where Shayne’s Session IPA was hiding.

A woman walked in front of me while I was staring at the beer wall and she said, “I’m sorry.”

My stomach lurched.

As she continued to walk down the aisle, she stopped, and turned around and said,

“Why did I say I’m sorry? I should have just said ‘excuse me’.”

I nodded.

“Yes, that was all that would have been required, if that…”

And she turned around and continued on her way.

Yesterday, I walked up to the young mother and thanked her for allowing me to witness her teaching moment to her baby daughter.

She replied, “My grandmother taught me that…she taught me to know when to say “I’m sorry,” and when not to. So many women unconsciously apologize for their existence, you know?”

Yes, I know.

And she went on to say that her generation is interested in freedom. Real freedom.

They want to rid themselves of the shackles that victimization ensures to keep those with a ‘sorry’ attitude enslaved.

Often, when I meet someone, I listen to what they say.

I mean, REALLY listen to the words they use.

Do they complain a lot? Do they cast themselves as the perpetual victim of life?

Do they blame others or things for their lot in life?

Do they say “I’m sorry,” all of the time? Do they say it to move on and not examine what it even is that they are sorry for?

When I meet someone like this, I understand I’m dealing with a prisoner. They are imprisoned and most of the time, they don’t even know they are locked up.

That young mother yesterday understood on a very deep level that casting yourself as the perpetual victim is the pathway to your own personal prison.

Watch how many times you reach for “I’m sorry,” today when it isn’t called for.

Become aware of it…contemplate it.

What are you sorry for? Why are you so sorry?

When you identify as a victim…well, that’s the only movie you get to watch.


This simple understanding can radically change your life.

Say I’m Sorry when you have hurt someone, or in empathy with them over a loss of some sort.

If you hurt someone, either knowingly or unknowingly, change your behavior if its warranted; sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t.

Know the difference.

But don’t say I’m Sorry when you are merely taking up the space required to live your life.

Or you want to gloss over a disagreement where true change needs to happen, and you just want things to feel ok again.

I’m Sorry, and your use of it,  is a key to finding your personal freedom and walking towards an abundant and joyful life.


Bring Your Beauty To The World

Bring Your Beauty To The World

My friend, Terah Cox, of Heaven and Earthworks, penned a beautiful tag line for my jewelry packaging. I am so happy with what she gifted me in a simple, succinct way to describe what my intention is for those that wear my jewelry, as well as those that I work with as a Human Design Guide.

Bring your beauty to the world, and the world will be more beautiful.

Beauty is the highest frequency of the energy of Creativity, or the first Hexagram of the Chinese I Ching – Ch’ien/The Creative.

I carry this energy in my Personality Mercury and it is what I am tasked with communicating to others from a Human Design perspective. Upon reflection, I know this to be true for myself. Even before I was consciously aware of my purpose of communication, I knew it in my bones.

I’ve written before about people expressing to me, “That I don’ t have a creative bone in my body…” often accompanied with a nervous, self-deprecating laugh. But the frequency I often hear when I am told this, is one tinged with fear, regret and sadness. I know the mask people use to cover their faces when they say this…and it always breaks my heart.

Each of us is creative because we are alive. We create our lives using experiences, beliefs and decisions like a painter uses a canvas, brushes and paint. And if more people understood their divine right to the Creative principle, our world would be more beautiful.

Ch’ien is masculine in nature…it is Yang energy. Ch’ien is the light of the sun that acts upon the earth. It is expansive energy in comparison to Yin, or the feminine principle of receptivity/receding energy. We must, as a culture, stop trying to make these two energies into a competition. They are both necessary. They are, literally, night and day.

As human beings, we are constantly pivoting back and forth between these two poles of energy. In the language of electricity, Yang is positive and Yin is negative. We live with the tension of the turning to the other. One pushes as the other pulls.  I watched a leaf fall yesterday, and depending on your point of view on the process, the tree letting go of the leaf was yang, the leaf falling to the ground turned from Yang to Yin when the ground received it. This constant movement from Yang to Yin is change. Change is life.

In very simple terms, we live in cycles of Yin and Yang. We breathe…we make love…we wake up and go to bed. We count time by these cycles…and they range from milliseconds to millenniums.

Beauty is unity with all that is. Beauty is our birthright. Be-at-unity.

Another word that comes to mind regarding beauty is naturalness.

You know when you are in the presence of someone that according to the idealized cultural idea of beautiful isn’t, but when you are in their presence they are the most beautiful of beings?

These are the people that are embodying their most natural self in their highest expression.

I am so drawn to photos of very old men and women that I find so beautiful because they are naturally themselves. They have achieved unity in all of their parts. They have merged with themselves with total acceptance and awe of their own uniqueness. They carry an energy or frequency that is difficult to capture with words.

They are themselves, and are consciously aware of their unity with all that is. I use patina in my work exclusively as I chase the feelings of unity with one’s environment. This merging…becoming one visually is part of my creative impulse.

Perhaps you can see what I mean here..this feeling of unity when it shows up is captivating to me and is beautiful.

Photo by Riya Kumari from Pexels

In my work as a Human Design Guide, for myself as well as for others, I am focusing on the beginning of this process of unification and merging into the totality. One first has to wake up to the possibility that it is possible to do in this lifetime. But then one must also realize that there is a period of shattering of the illusion that must happen before the parts can merge and become one.

I am in the process personally of whittling away what I’ve accumulated (beliefs and marketing) over time that covers up my naturalness. I want to first isolate what is me, drop what isn’t, then become the totality of my expression as a human being. I am in the process of unification, but it has a certain timing and structure. I know where I am in my own journey, and making jewelry for 15 years has taught me that there are steps that must be taken. Patience is the paint I use in my life to create my own work of art that is my life.

That is the most important part of my own creative process…acting when the time is right, and resting in receptivity trusting that what is without form will eventually emerge from me when the time is right.

Creativity cannot be controlled…it is not a process that can be crammed into an 8 hour day with prescribed lunch breaks and such…It’s there…and then it isn’t. This is the process and timing that must be respected for something fresh to occur.

It is cyclic and I don’t get to control the cycles. None of us do…when you realize that, you can relax in the not doing, or receptive (YIN) portion of the cycle. I believe our culture does a great disservice to many naturally creative people by conditioning them to not embrace their melancholic nature of inaction before action is required. It can feel depressive. It feels like the thrill of action won’t be there, but it will. As long as you wait until its time for it to emerge.

I work alone. I respect my creative process. I carry the energy of the 1.4, which is Aloneness as the medium of creativity. This information is found in the Rave I Ching, in The Definitive Guide of Human Design-The Science of Differentiation by Lynda Bunnell and Ra Uru Hu. 

Beauty has many, many layers of meaning and understanding depending on where you are in your own awakening process.

But this is what I know now…your naturalness is your birthright.  Your naturalness, your synthesis is beautiful.

When you know who you are, and what you are not, that natural you begins to emerge and that is what the world needs.

It needs you to step into yourself.

You are the note that the world needs to hear.


New Beginnings

Live from yourself and you will have no problem deciding between right and wrong. Only the self-divided must make painful choices. A carnation never chooses because it never tries to prove it is a lily. Vernon Howard

New beginnings are about not playing it safe. At least, that’s been my own experience, and I seem to attract new beginnings.

I carry the 3 in my Human Design chart in both my Personality Earth sign, and in my North Node. New Beginning energy is, and has been, a huge part of my life.

According to the I Ching, or Book of Changes, Hexagram 3 is about the energy needed to sprout. If you think about that, an enormous amount of energy is required to break through the surface towards the sun. However, before that can happen, a lot of energy is required for a root system to grow first.

That desire to anchor oneself first before upward growth can occur has played a huge part in my life over the last few years, and it took me until the last couple to understand it from an experiential perspective.

I am rooted, and this year feels like the time to reach for the sun.

As I look back, I see that the last 10 years have involved great growth, but it was in fits and starts. There was no tap root, and the wind carried away my efforts as far as building a business around fabricating jewelry when it blew hard enough.

I was so expended…and exhausted from it all.

It takes a solid commitment to Self, a peculiar constancy, to stay the course when it comes to living as a creative person. I believe creativity applies to all areas of our experiences…not just making stuff.


I will no longer be working at the Natural Foods store as a salesperson, and instead, I will be handling the marketing of the store on a part/part-time basis from my office at home. I decided, and embraced, the opportunity to go full-monty with my jewelry business as well as what I am starting as far as becoming a Human Design Guide.

But I needed the flexibility and the time to work from home full-time to do this the right way.

I attend a spiritual group once a week, and a few weeks ago, a member of the group remarked that sometimes we may find ourselves in the middle of an answered prayer while waiting for our prayers to be answered.

That so resonated with me…I needed more flexibility, but didn’t want to sever my connection to my part-time job because I love it, along with the people that I work with. I talked to the owner, and we came to an agreement that I believe will work to the best interest of us both.

Emotionally, I knew that it was time to make a new start, and by honoring my whole self, the decision was easily made. I know I am a creative person…I know that living from myself is the way to navigate.

It wasn’t a painful choice…I gave up nothing and instead, gained much more.

And here is another thing I am very excited about…and that is working more with my husband and including him in on my business strategy.

I married someone that is quite brilliant about the things I am not so brilliant in…and its time I make some space for him to help us both grow together.

Mmmmmm……..that was nice to write.